"whatcha readin' for?"

People are constantly asking me "Whatcha readin' for? You gotta go to school or sumthin"?" while I'm on break at work. Um, no, I'm reading so I don't have to sit in the break room and listen to you idiots mumble about "the economy" and that "____ in the White House ruinin' our country." These questions just reflect the mindset of this small, rural town. Education is not valued. Actually, its seen as something that sets you apart from others. Why would you want to broaden your horizon of knowledge? All you really need to know is how to castrate a bull and how to herd cows. Its sad and I wish I could change it, but that, my friends, is a task I'm not quite up for. And, if you're going to ask me why I'm reading, make yourself sound a hair smarter and at least use proper grammar. Grumble, grumble. 

Ah, how life can so drastically change in a matter of a few days. Those happy, content feelings I once had have been replaced by anxiety, fear, dread, a touch of sadness, and a little excitement. So..... we're moving to California! A little late on the blog update as you readers (ha) already know this piece of information. I am sooooooo excited to be in a state that truly reflects who I am and the values in which I believe. I cannot wait to live in our little two bedroom house with Ryan and Sam and the animals. We'll have an adorable little falafel place right around the corner. Public transportation and family markets are a walk away. Our house is super cute and I'll put up lots of pics once we're finally there. In two weeks. Insert panic here. 

Is our house packed? Have we disposed of the junk car and motorcycle? Have we tied up loose ends w/ bank accounts and insurance providers? Do we have someone to definitely take over the rent at our house? Hahahahaha I'd be lieing if I said yes. All of those tasks are nearing completion, but nothing is absolutely certain yet except 1. we have rented a budget truck and 2. I'm flying home May 14th. My plane lands in ATL at 8:15... I get to run around like crazy and then come back to Kansas May 17th and then jump directly into the car and drive the 27 hours to 25 Cecil Ave San Jose, CA. Oh God. Help Me. Please. 

The one thing that makes it even sadder is our friend Levi passed away leaving his unhinged wife and two adorable, facinating, precious children behind. I wish he hadn't been so alone that night. I wish a little warning bell had gone off in our hearts alerting us to his pain. Maybe we had been getting those vibes, but we never really knew how serious his situation was. Would there really have been anything we could do? I don't know. So many questions, never any answers when something like this happens. Death tends to piss me off. I cannot be as emotional or supportive as I'd like at funerals. I cannot really cry until I'm alone, processing the situation. I wish I didn't get so angry and insensitive. I wish I could get sad and mourn in public. That is just really really hard for me. I tried being there for Drew. He moped and cried and I tried to be uplifting, but I had to just let him be sad for awhile. Thats how death and loss work, I suppose. I understand it, but that doesn't mean I don't get angry. 

Of course I'll keep you all updated on travel plans as we wrap up life in Hutchinson, KS and head out to San Jose!!! Send good, calming, positive, encouraging thoughts our way.