tiny hiatus

I write this in the peaceful moments before work. In these new, softly lit daylight hours, I collect myself and prepare for the hours ahead. As I lean into my steaming cup of coffee, the bitterly sweet aroma filling a deep place within, I think "I can do this... I can do anything for 5 hours. This job will not last forever. There are bigger and better opportunities coming, soon... I can feel them. They're right on the end of my fingertips, just stretch and grow a little more and they'll come." I will not be defined by this customer service, slave to the oh-so-entitled masses, job. I will use my talents and passions for community development, health and nutrition to do right by my fellow humans. I will help make life better for those who have never had the chance, and in turn we will all learn and grow deeply together, continuously evolving into better and better people. These things I know and these things I will be.

I was thinking the other day.... about Karma and Nirvana, or the state of being free from suffering, blowing away from the fires of greed, hatred, and delusion. What if our duty as children (because you're always someone's child) is to search deeply into our parents' personalities... to know them fully, recognizing all their faults and their talents, to be keenly aware of their mistakes and their successes. If we take all that we learn from our parents, keeping the good and kind traits, nurturing them within ourselves and changing (all the while staying aware of) the negative, self destructive parts into more useful, constructive personal displays, then do we, as integral members of our family, begin to change the fate for our coming generations? If we correct the greed, insecurities, and delusional desires within ourselves and continue to stay aware of our shortcomings, striving with every action to be a better person, do we in turn pass that along to our children, who will help complete the cycle of personal awareness, eventually breaking free and taking the family name and its future members into a state free from suffering, where they are able to recognize what they want and achieve it, because they have the wonderful, positive qualities of generations past, and the awareness to change the qualities they do not desire for themselves? I don't know... these are just my thoughts.

So I've decided I'm going to learn to knit. Its going to happen. I'm envisioning myself making wonderful hats and scarves this winter, eventually progressing to cozy sweaters and jackets. This will happen and it will not be like that one time in Girl Scouts when I totally failed. I was like, 12 then! I was NOT a 12 year old with patience or coordination, but I like to think I have improved greatly in these areas. I'm hoping this book will help me learn. I will do this!! Yay! I'm excited.

California continues to be the Land of Opportunity for those around me. I am patiently waiting for my opportunities, but I've realized no one will make them happen except for me. I Make My Life Happen and its time to stop being intimidated. Who knows where the next few months will take us... North Bay, East Bay, The City, but lets hope I can make the best of it.